Your Unemployed Daughter

Hi Mom and Dad,

This is Your Unemployed Daughter. Um, I have some news. [[Pauses, waits for pickup.]]

Okay, by the fact that you’re not answering, I assume you’re off bike riding or kayaking or sitting on somebody’s lanai sipping martinis (or, if that’s you listening, Dad, red wine). It IS 6 p.m. Well, don’t let me disturb you! I bet the weather is great in Florida. I just wanted to let you know, um … I’ve been fired.

[[In background: a shriek, muffled voices, glasses meeting in a toast]]

Oh, yeah, so I’m at the bar right now. [[Gulps]] Sorry, tequila shots!

[["Can I start a tab? Better make it credit..."]]

Oh, hey, you there? Okay, okay, it wasn’t an ACTUAL firing – more of a layoff. But it just seems more impressive to say fired, right? I mean, cause when that other magazine I was at folded, THAT was an actual layoff. But in this situation, the layoff seems just generally mean-spirited and anti-brunette. And redhead. More like an actual firing.

[[Distantly: "Another round?"]]

They say everyone needs to get fired at least once, right? It’s, like, a rite of passage? But, um, you can tell your friends layoff if you want. Oh, and Mom – maybe stop showing people the masthead in the grocery line?

[[Cheers overheard. "CHUG...CHUG...CHUG..."]]

Gotta go guys. Call me! Um…I may need to borrow some money…