Let’s say you get home a little buzzed. Hey, no judgments. We’ve all been there. You’re not super drunk, but having walked from the West side (cheaper and calorie-burning!), very efficiently using that time to call various men you may or may not be interested in, and, of course, to internally debate about whether stopping into certain bars would be a good thing or a bad thing, you’ve grown a bit … thirsty.
Nearly home, you wonder whether the wine store is still open. (All you have at the apartment is an elderly bottle of red that gave you a pretty bad hangover that night you were dishing to that Gawker dude, and it’s been a few days—God, maybe weeks!—since then.)
You check your BlackBerry since until you get your Patek Philipe you are watchless for the duration. Damn, it’s 11:15. Well, it’s either home or some nearby bar, and given that it’s a Thursday, and all of the raucous youngsters are out crowding your usual VIP spots, you choose home. You must have something you can throw together, right? (You wouldn’t be YUD if not.)
A glance in the fridge and all is well. In the freezer, there are the chilled remains of the Ketel One that a former coworker delivered after you saved his ass—in the nicest of possible ways! You used to be pretty good at that. Thanks, J.
Then there are the ice cubes that you make religiously; after all, they’re free, and you have the time! And some leftover cold coffee, ready for ice coffee in the morning…or a more adult beverage now? And, let’s not forget, a dash of very old club soda that may hail from when your previous mag folded, because even when shaken it doesn’t fizz, but hey, it’s all filler, right?
And if you want it sweet, there’s that honey your ex bf bought you in that awkward interchange with the Tompkins Square bee guy… Or, of course, Splenda.
Find your fanciest glass, that one with the beveled bottom, mix all them ingredients together to your liking, stir with a fork, and all of a sudden we have something akin to a cocktail! I like to call it the Fannie Madoff. Or, “A Poor Girl’s Red Bull and Vodka.” Serve with a side of Unemployment Mix and maybe a few Saltines, ‘pending on when you last et.
If you were here, I’d make one for you.
Grade: C (points given for ingenuity and making do, deducted for taste and flat factor)
Morning After Headache: middling
Will YUD Make Again? Only if she has to