Your Unemployed Daughter

photo credit: James Willamor

Dear Delta,

A word of advice: don’t fuck with an unemployed editor. She has time on her hands. And a computer. And she’s not afraid to write.

To catch the rest of you up: I flew to Nashville on Delta on Thursday, August 6. Not a holiday, unless you count M.’s bday. It was early morning, so technically, there wasn’t time for things to go haywire yet.

Yet, they were. When I arrived at the Delta domestic terminal, there were no clear lines, just crowds of people scattered every which way in that state of airport confusion and chaos, with no one directing much of anything.

Perhaps boneheadedly, I had decided to pack a new tube of toothpaste, bottle of lotion, and sunscreen in my bag. I figured I’d just check luggage, whatever, it’s easier that way, and even though I knew there was a fee, it was worth it.

Well, I wrestled my way to an unused kiosk, checked in via self-service, paid an additional $15 to check my little wheelie thing, and scanned the room for the baggage drop-off. To my great displeasure, I realized that that line—a line I’d mistaken for check-in—was 100-people deep. There were two people working.

A glance to the security line told me it was even longer.

I’d done the right thing and given myself at least an hour and a half—I was even sober—yet suddenly I was less than an hour from my boarding time and, it seemed, would need all of those minutes just to get through security.

So, as someone trained in prioritization and gettin’ it done, I made my way to security, bringing my paid-for, “illegal-liquid-containing” luggage with me.

On one hand, I hoped to just get through. But I also prayed they would find my contraband, because my fear of breaking the rules is not as great as my fear of dying via liquid bomb on an airplane, however unlikely that might be (very unlikely? I hope?).

And they did, and a fairly nice TSA lady actually allowed me to keep my face lotion (as it was only 4 ounces) but threw out my Colgate and my SPF 50. I explained the whole checked baggage situation—despite wondering whether terrorists are really busy perfecting the toothpaste explosive as we speak, I do abide by rules for our safety—but of course, she could do nothing. She suggested I contact Delta for reimbursement of my checked baggage fee.

As did another Delta agent, when I checked in at my gate. “Oh, they’ll pay you back,” she said.

So imagine my surprise when I received this in response to my request for reimbursement.

Dear [name redacted],

Thank you for your e-mail regarding your recent trip with our Delta Connection partner, Comair. On behalf of everyone at Delta Air Lines, I appreciate the opportunity to respond to your concern.

I am truly sorry for your disappointment with our checked baggage policy. Your feedback is important to us and we appreciate the time you took to write. Be assured I will be sharing your comments with our Corporate Marketing leadership team.

Prior to your next trip, we invite you to visit the web site of your operating airline for the most up-to-date information on checked luggage.

While we would like to offer special consideration in cases such as yours, we are unable to honor the many requests that we receive from others in similar situations. We follow a consistent policy to ensure that Delta is fair to everyone who travels with us. Accordingly, we must respectfully decline your request for reimbursement of the excess baggage fee.

[Name redacted], thank you for writing. We appreciate your selection of Delta and will always welcome the opportunity to be of service.

Sincerely,

Henry P. Torrence
Coordinator
Customer Care

Okay, Henry, I don’t want to get you in trouble (I wouldn’t even publish your name except for that prissy “P.” that you just had to include) since I’m sure you’re following the standard dictated by some other bureaucrat who gets paid more than you, but …. did you even read my note?

I did not have excess baggage. I was not able to check baggage at all! And while I don’t really care about the lost toothpaste or the $15, or even $30, the fact that you responded in such bullshit form letter fashion, failing to actually address the reality of what happened, really pisses me off.

So, in a bit of a fury, I wrote this:

Wow. You can rest assured that I will travel with Delta as rarely as possible from now on. It seems little to deliver a $15 or even $30 reimbursement when the disorder at the terminal and fact that I was unable to check baggage (after paying for it) was the fault of your organization. I have not experienced that chaos in the JetBlue terminal at JFK, for example.

During my experience—a regular Thursday morning, not a holiday, it bears noting—I overhead several people saying “I will never travel with Delta again.” Please do share that with your corporate marketing leadership team.

I also will be posting this response on my blog (YourUnemployedDaughter.com), which attracts a number of high profile media readers [[Ed note: Hope you guys don't mind!]], to give them the chance to make the decision on whether they will use Delta for themselves.

Given this economy and the compromises that people are having to make with regard to travel and other expenses, it is shameful that companies behave this way, particularly to people who have been loyal customers (I am a SkyMiles member and have prioritized Delta in the past. Now, I will pay more so as not to travel with you.)

It also bears mentioning that one of your own employees in the terminal told me that I WOULD be reimbursed for my fee. You should really get your stories straight, as this sort of thing does not breed confidence in your airline.

Best,
YUD

What will happen next? Will YUD be reimbursed? Will another form letter arrive? Will any of us ever fly Delta again?

It’s as suspenseful as waiting for the next episode of True Blood!