Your Unemployed Daughter

photo credit: Zeusandhera

Today I’m feeling a little bit Monday. Chalk it up to being away all weekend and, yes, maybe drinking a bit too much and working out too little, but I woke up sleepy, cranky, and generally out of sorts. Even though, really, life is not so bad.

Still, when some overweight middle-aged goon tried to hand me one of his “Obama as Hitler” pamphlets, I nearly kicked it out of his fleshy paw. I managed to control myself, however, offered him a murderous glare, and continued the trek to my sometime office, where I got an ice coffee, dialed in for a conference call, and crankily listened for my 5 minutes of the status report.

That done, I began the business of crankily working, taking breaks every 5 minutes to wave my arm and scoot my desk chair around so the lights would go back on. Apparently, they are on an electric sensor. This is not the best way to get quality out of your employees, corporate entities, nor is it helping with the crankensituation.

Main Entry: cran·ken·sit·u·a·tion
Pronunciation: \krānk-ən-si-chə-ˈwā-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: YUD. Inspired by unemployment, people who don’t try, people who are stupid, and Mondays.
Date: 2009
1 : A situation of incessant, building crankiness for little or no good reason, when a friend offering to take you shopping or for a crisp glass of white wine is met with a whiny, idiotic refusal that only causes you to become more cranky.

Sometimes when you’re cranky it just breeds more and more crank, until you hit your crankinscence point and finally work your way out of it, whether it be through a good sweat at the gym, the receipt of happy news, or the opportunity to smack a right-winger in the face. Because at the end of the day, being cranky is good for no one.

Today, I am trying to get over my crank with a little help from my friend Derek Ivie, who has sent a new installment of Things Getting Me Through Unemployment over just in time.

Here are a few favorites, from Derek’s unemployment vacation to Puerto Rico. Que fancy!

“In some places the water is just more beautiful than in NY.”

“He didn’t have a job so he was looking for scraps, but he was a really nice cock.”

“While in PR I saw many a crab crawl out of the sewers, which all have these signs. It says, “Don’t contaminate! It goes to the beach!” Lesson learned!

Ah, I feel better already. Crabs, back to your sewers, please.