Your Unemployed Daughter

photo credit: hubertk

I’m having a little trouble with my Halloween costume this year. See, I want it to be creative, and not something everyone else is wearing—a getup that will make sophisticated peoples look at me and chuckle a bit upon realizing what I represent, and how truly genius my concept is. Their minds would say, “Why didn’t I think of that?” and “I knew she was smart, but now I realize, she’s brilliant!” and “I would like to buy that ___________ a drink.”

And also, of course, it should be cute or sexy, and, more importantly, include a mouth hole for drinking access. And, given these economic times, free, or at least, built largely from my own closet/office supplies.

I don’t get why this is so hard for me. I’m a (supposedly) creative person. I have ideas! I do! Yet somehow, ever since I was an octopus in 4th grade, my Halloween efforts have been completely marginal. A B- at best. At worst, an utter failure (a skier? Um—wait, maybe that’s a good idea?).

But I thought I had it figured out this time. I was going to cut up all of my now-defunct magazines (Domino, Gourmet, Radar—the list goes on) and, Project Runway-style, whip together some sort of strapless dress, or at the very least, a bustier. I would be the death of magazines, or something along those lines.

HAH. I now have to admit, officially, and you can quote me on this: The people on that show have talent. Even Nicolas.

I ended up stapling strips of magazine covers to an old black T-shirt rather haphazardly. And, it looks like … trash. If you squint, there’s a dash of flapper. But mostly, I just look recyclable. And a little crazy.

Also, staples in clothing? Not the most comfortable (at the end of the night I will be covered in tiny staple marks) or durable, for that matter. And if I’m caught in a brisk wind, injuries may increase a thousandfold.

So it’s back to the drawing board for me.

Suggestions? Is there an unemployment mascot, aside from Dag Hammarskjold (making my forehead increase in size is beyond my capabilities), that I might emulate?

Or do I need to break out the cat ears (yawn) for yet another year?

Help.