Turkey Trot Quitters Don’t Win, They Just Make Turkeys of Themselves
Posted on Saturday, November 28th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
In celebration of all this turkey biz-nizz, our most disturbing Alaskan frenemy—yes, I’m speaking of she-who-must-not-be-named—ran herself a race.
No, sillies! Not that kind of race. Please, never again that kind of race.
Running a race, actually, is not fully accurate. What she did was sign up for a Thanksgiving Day 5k in Kennewick, Washington. You know, a turkey trot. One of those T-shirt-pushing events that you can jog boozily with your whole family, including your elderly aunt, as a handy justification for slogging off the chains of moderation that evening.
But even though Voldemortina purposely publicized the fact that she was running via Twitter, she seems to have gotten freaked out by the possibility of rabid fans (or rabid frenemies, or rabid turkeys, or possibly, no one at all) at the end of the line. So she did what they tell you never to do. She quit.
Now, I am so for quitting your 7-pack-a-day Marlboro habit, or your horribly oppressive job that’s leaching your will to live, or wearing lace panties underneath your policeman’s uniform, or shouting “Fire!” in church. But quitting a turkey trot? LAME.
Turkeys don’t even trot!
Voldy, this just adds the giblets to the gravy.
I wish I had some gravy.
