Your Unemployed Daughter

photo credit: World of Good

As you know, my struggles are many and endless. But I’m not sure you really understand the challenges I face, nor the important (even life-or-death) questions that I confront and doggedly resolve on a daily basis. Often my duties also lie in encouraging and mentoring younger editors in their quest for perfect language.

Here is a glimpse, via IM, at my very particular joy—and my pain. As Uncle Ben (not the one of rice fame) once said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

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photo credit: pasukaru76

Hey everyone, didn’t I tell you there would be some good stuff coming up in 2010?

Check this out—“Americas leading publishers representative firm” (huh?) needs not only movers, but also shakers. Because they’re “on the move.”

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photo credit: stars.alive

No one has it harder than the busty.

Well, except maybe for starving children in Africa, and pregnant teens, and that poor guy from Slumdog Millionaire. But the chesticularly well-endowed, I mean, for real! It’s hard to find clothes that fit. As Marilyn Monroe says to a be-dragged Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot, “clothes just hang better” on a flat-chested frame.

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photo credit: victoriapeckham

Whoops-a-doozy!

Officials at a Yorba Linda elementary school have recalled T-shirts given to students after discovering a phone number printed on the shirts was for a sex chat line.

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photo credit: raelwv

YUD woke up on the wrong side of the bed yesterday. (Whatever that really means, and however it was derived, the fact is, she was cranking like a bizotch. And she took it out on poor Henry P. Torrence, Coordinator, among others. Not that he didn’t deserve it. But I’ll get to that later.)

At any rate, the crankiness is more likely due to lack of sleep, and “woman troubles,” and heat (more people kill each other in hot weather, does that surprise anyone?), and, not least, the fact that she is going into an office today, for the next 2 weeks—something that causes anxiety as well as pleasure over upcoming monies to be paid and boozy deliciousness and/or shoes to be bought.

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photo credit: Let Ideas Compete

Just had to share this example of scintillating copy. Metaphors! Drama! Internal marination!

“Your internal organs essentially marinate in that sea of abdominal fat, vulnerable to the toxic secretions from it that can wreak havoc with your metabolism.”

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photo credit: ljcesca
Now, HERE is a criminal mind I can relate to:

While serving his time, Wells discovered a stray word on the verdict form signed by the jurors who convicted him in Summit County Common Pleas Court. The form, typed up by a court or prosecutor’s office employee, read:

“We, the Jury, find the Defendant Guilty of the offense of POSSESSION OF CRACK COCAINE.

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I just ordered some books on Amazon. I know, I know…there are libraries. But those books always smell kinda funny. Peed on or something. Call me prissy, call me “baby unemployed,” but I hesitate to bring them to bed.

Plus, there’s something so quaint and fulfilling about buying books; whole worlds opening to you for the price of one fancy cocktail! And ITE*, might as well help out a few fellow struggling writer types. It’s the least I can do with my future babies’ college funds. (Let’s face it, ITE, those kids are going to community college anyway.)

The first book is about unemployment during the dot-com collapse. The second, research for a post I am composing on a secret affliction soon to be exposed widely as “Blogholm Syndrome” – oh, just you wait! The third and fourth, well, I figure I better learn about staying alive and being stylish on the brink of depression. And unionization, for that matter.

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And here is a bathroom belonging to one unconventionally spelled "lady." Olde English, perhaps?

Your Unemployed Daughter has a not-so-secret compulsive habit of proofreading any copy she sees, be it in a book or magazine, in advertising either print or screen … even on one of those humble small-business-created missives we call “signs.” She is a copy editor by training, and while she is currently unemployed, her blood runs to the deep and orderly, grammar-full and typo-free.

In truth, she loves to find errors in these signs even though she pretends it offends her deeply, because it means she has value. She provides a service, and a much-needed one (bobviosly). Not everyone can spell “lady” properly, much less as a plural. Not everyone cares.

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