2
Dec
Posted in Adventures with YUP | No Comments »
Moms rock. Even when you’re a bratty teenaged girl and they won’t let you borrow that appliqued sweatshirt with the puffy moon and stars and you just about think it’s the end of your world because now how in heavens will TK notice you?—moms rock.
Because only a mom would do you the favor of telling you that you can’t borrow that heinous creation. Only a mom would keep that sweatshirt all to herself, no matter how much you beg and plead, because that’s how much you mean to her.
Moms are all-knowing (‘member the time she sniffed out the bathtub vodka on your breath when you came home from your first makeout party?), all-powerful (she could ground you with her eyes, punish your brother for smoking pot in the garage, vacuum the living room, and never even leave the kitchen), and, it turns out, totally awesome career placement specialists.
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Tags: balloon boy, getting a job, hunter s. thompson, Job Search, judd marcello, layoff story, mom as career placement specialist, momma's boy, mother knows best, yuddites, yup
31
Oct
Posted in Life Coach | 6 Comments »
photo credit: < ^))FishBear)))><
Today’s Halloween. Which means the usual frivolity, sugar crashes, and potential for thrills and chills. So just a reminder to be careful out there. Here are a few things to watch out for.
-Actual vampires. You can tell them by their resemblance to Robert Pattinson.
-Actual werewolves. You can tell them by their resemblance to Michael J. Fox, circa 1985.
-A small child with a big bag of candy who seems to be struggling. DO NOT HELP HIM/HER/IT. This is really a midget with no mercy who will throw you down and take your own candy if he gets the chance.
-A small child who claims to be “lost” or “without parents.” This is also a midget with no mercy, who may have been a tranny hooker in a previous life. Stay away.
-Anything masquerading as a pumpkin.
-Anybody dressed as “Balloon Boy.” There may be vomiting.
-Thieves, muggers, assholes, sexual offenders, the Gosselins, rabid dogs, and John Liu, Comptroller.
-A girl dressed in a pink slip, passing out “pink slips.” She may well be me. And we all know how that ends up.
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Tags: balloon boy, comptroller, dancing mother, daylight savings time, fall back, halloween, john liu, justin timberlake, michael j. fox, pink slip, robert pattinson, sexy back, spring forward, teen wolf, the orphan, thrills and chills, tranny midget, twilight, vampire, werewolf
