Your Unemployed Daughter

People are slowly starting to trickle in for the wedding, and there are now two distinct groups: the groom’s friends, who all went to UVA (a school our groom’s Harvard-educated bride loves to disdain, although secretly I think she may be jealous of the aplomb with which they wear their caps and tackle the rocky terrain) and the bride’s friends, a mixed bag of highly educated, tall-tan-and-terrific semi-employed (in conglomerate) peoples including me, another woman, and her husband.

We all know that Your Unemployed Daughter is sans job, but so is this husband, who was a producer at an ad agency, has been out of work for a year, and has gone back to school to learn HTML and Flash, and “dabble in Java and PHP.” (PHP? Your Unemployed Daughter shows her ignorance with the assumption that that was that drug we learned about in 8th grade, you know, the one that makes you jump out of windows and bend steel pipes with your bare hands? Aka angel dust? Or, is it what tires are made of?)

Drugs or not, going back to school does seem a legitimate, even wise, pursuit in this media moment, and, in fact, the fellow’s wife urged him to do so when he was laid off, as they recount. Might as well take this moment to learn something new, boost your experience, expand your opps in a seemingly opp-less-time. Better to learn something potentially useful than become a master at Guitar Hero, no?

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Hire me, please?

Here is a conundrum for you. When you’ve been a rather anal, overachieving, people-pleasing workaholic for most of your adult life, and suddenly, presumably through no fault of your own, you are canned, do you … Try immediately to find another job, whatever it takes? Take time to sit back and figure stuff out, reevaluating your past and examining your future, to come up with what you truly want to do next? Get frequently, excessively drunk? Go shopping ’cause you finally have time? Burn your apartment down and collect the insurance?

And, if you go the first route, predominantly (with bits of the others mixed in for flavor), when a job opportunity comes up that you feel is beneath you in terms of pay, responsibility, geography, or the like, do you … Take it anyway, ’cause who knows what’s going to come up next and it’s a recession, haven’t you heard? Hold out for something better? Take it and quit when something better comes along? Ask the job offerer in a tone of deep insult, “Do you know who I am?”?

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Have a bite! (I hope you don't choke.)

All hail the humble meatball! A foodstuff more complex and multi-tasking than it seems at first glance, a meatball can be utilized as a protein-packed solo bite, a vehicle for a variety of sauce options, a topping for carbohydrates ranging from rice to noodles, even … a medium of vengeance.

According to the “Neighborhood Post,” a weekly section of my parents’ delightful daily paper, a recent domestic disturbance occurred that consisted of the following: Read the rest of this entry »

Hi Mom and Dad,

This is Your Unemployed Daughter. Um, I have some news. [[Pauses, waits for pickup.]]

Okay, by the fact that you’re not answering, I assume you’re off bike riding or kayaking or sitting on somebody’s lanai sipping martinis (or, if that’s you listening, Dad, red wine). It IS 6 p.m. Well, don’t let me disturb you! I bet the weather is great in Florida. I just wanted to let you know, um … I’ve been fired.

[[In background: a shriek, muffled voices, glasses meeting in a toast]]

Oh, yeah, so I’m at the bar right now. [[Gulps]] Sorry, tequila shots!

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